It was a bright, sunny fall day when Mommy and I made our way down to the dank, grossly painted underbelly of a nearby church where our mommy and me classes are held. As mommy would later recount- it was a real hell hole.
(Sidenote: those of you who have ever stepped foot inside a nursery school are probably asking yourselves: "what was your mommy expecting? The ritz?" And the answer is people, yes. Sort of).
We quickly realized that mommy had not read the twenty page packet of rules as both of our water bottles stood out like sore thumbs in this concrete oasis. No hydration outside of scheduled times. We hid them in Mommy's bag so as not to ostracize ourselves before we had a chance to offend anyone.
I set out to play with the exact same toys that I have at home, except the extremely dirty, 1975 version. The dolls were all nude and several were missing critical body parts, but I was still having a great time rocking them stacked up 5 high in an oversize cradle.
The teacher announced it was craft time, so mommy helped me paint an apple tree and introduced me to homemade play dough. While neither of these activities were fun for us or anyone in the room, it filled some time until nice lady came in with her guitar.
This lady must have been part of some sort of union because she seemed to be under a great deal of pressure to do
Her entire three song act in ten minutes flat. Since she didn't sing top forty music, I was completely uninterested in what she had to offer and went back to rocking my naked, deformed babies. Mommy looked and me, looked at the clock and encouraged me to come back to the circle.
At this point, I announced to everyone in the room BYE BYE CAR CAR GO, and the guitar lady looked at her watch for the tenth time in ten minutes, ripped the frog puppet back from one of my fellow inmates,and hightailed it out of there. Time up!!!
The highlight of the class was the all-you-can eat pretzel buffet. The teacher dished them out 3 at a time, but I managed to have about 20. Then the teacher asked if we should read a story or just end the class and mommy suggested that the story might be better next week.
That was our first and last mommy and me class- we resigned and neither of us have looked back.
Instead, we are creating our own mommy and me!! Today we took the choo choo from hohokus (the stop by our house) to ridgewood (3 minute ride) and walked around town for a bit. It was my first time on a choo choo and it was so fun!!
Lots of love,
Your diva thanks to genetics,
Gillian
